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getting squirrels to calm down

19 Nov

it’s hard to not notice squirrels.
they behave like they’ve done something horribly wrong.
they look left and then right.
they dart east and then west.
but every so often they pause,
stand on their back legs and hold their paws together.
they look rather peaceful doing it too,
like an old lady twirling rosary beads.
the other day i held my hands together.
i brought them close to my mouth and guess what?
the squirrel calmed down so I held my hands there a while.
i think the squirrel thought I was a squirrel too,
a big one,
but nonetheless a squirrel.
we now have something to go on.

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Ode to a clothes line

18 Nov

a long sleeve shirt flapping in the breeze
looks like a straight jacket set free.

Why I like reading my poems to people who don’t like poetry

16 Nov

they know i’m using big words to sound smart or trying to be complicated when i could be much simpler and straight forward. They know it like the smell of a fart inside a car.

the switchman

28 May

i sit in the bathtub,
not too often,
but the next time i do,
i will watch the water slither towards the drain and
remember that
water wears down everything and
it will do me too.
then after that,
i’ll exit the tub,
dry off,
and cut some vegetables in the nude.

painting by colorsetbrushes

food chain confusion

24 Mar

a good fiber diet probably does a lot of good things for our bodies. it, for example, is supposed to keep our shit together. I eat coleslaw and salad from time to time and plenty of frozen vegetables so then why do i always need so much toilet paper? The toilet paper then clogs the toilet or if it finally proceeds past the flush and swirl; it reeks havoc elsewhere; it probably stalls or contaminates the sewage treatment plant situation and even then, even when it returns to the river or sea, it is eaten by a fish which is then caught, killed, packaged, and shipped off to a grocery store cooler for me to look at and decide whether or not to participate in the whole fishicide scenario which makes me wonder how much toilet paper i have. maybe i should start making soup?

if i smoked tobacco

23 Mar

i used to know this guy who fueled his Volkswagen car with vegetable oil. I don’t remember if it was a VW Jetta or a VW Golf, but for the sake of this story it doesn’t matter. We were driving to Ontario to visit a friend of his who lived in a barn. The friend sold me a copy of ‘Satan in Goray’ for a buck or two, but what I remember most is driving back to Montreal and seeing tobacco out the window. The leaves were wrinkly looking, like an elephant ear probably looks like. It got me thinking.

If I smoked tobacco, I’d find a patch of land and plant some and go back there with a lawn chair and talk to the stalks or leaves or however tobacco comes to be and when it was ripe and brown and ready to be dried and rolled, i’d bring it back to the city and sit on a porch or a patio and smoke it as the sun was going down and during every exhale and sigh, i’d feel glad about nothing in particular.

sweet flaky ash
tumbling out of existence

our beautiful messy tasty bodies

22 Mar

i’m not a farmer, not yet anyway, but i believe in polygamy with fruits and vegetables. I would think it provides crop rotation to the earth, gives the soil some rest – potatoes one season, zucchini the next. I would like to get together with farmers and discuss this and maybe even smuggle some fruits and produce into urban parks. We could display them on make shift scarecrows.

apples, oranges, potatoes for breasts.
cucumbers, zucchini and carrots for penises.
the inside of eggplants for vaginas.

we could make bodies beautiful and tasty again, like they were before all this synthetic porn, before all this plastic, perfect, and fake. We could go back to all that dirt and scratchy records.

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